Friday, January 21, 2005 - HOW TO VANQUISH A DEMON - A PRACTICAL GUIDE

The  newspaper reported this morning:

"Britons be warned. Monday, January 24, is going to be the most depressing day of the year.

By using a complicated mathematical formula, psychologist Cliff Arnalls calculated the misery is about to peak in four days time.

Fading memories of Christmas, mounting festive debts, foul weather, failed New Year resolutions and the long dark nights create the perfect mix for gloom, says the Cardiff University expert who specialises in seasonal disorders."

I don't have anything to worry about. My worst day of the year has actully  already passed. It started on the evening of January 19th and it  lasted only for couple of hours. In my case no memories of Christmas, foul weather or festive debts were to blame.  Just one phone call, and her voice - checking out from reality,  ready to take a flight again. This was the culprit in my particular case and the  beast broke out loose from its prison. 

We have been fighting since 1984, me and my demon.  He appears, we fight and then I  push him and somehow  lock him up  in the darkest corner of my subconscience. But every now and then he breaks loose and we fight again...

This time it was different.  This time I managed to tame the beast. In fact I  turned it into a house pet.

When he reared his ugly head snarling like a rabid dog and glaring  his flaming eyes   I was taken aback. But then I  grabbed it by the head, looked it straight in the eyes and then released it. 

I am sure this is the only  way to deal with this kind of  pain.  Kind of pains that are lifelong, bestowed upon us since the day we were born in the curious karmic  whim.  We can run as much as we like, they always catch  up with us.  The only way to survive these pains is to face them, not to fight them, just to look at them, acknowledge them for what they are, and for the role they play in our lives.

My pain has become a minute gremlin now, almost cute, like a mischievous child running through the chambers of my soul. He doesn't bother me that much. Every now and then he passes by,  kicks my sheen, or bites my calf just to remind me he is still alive.

Sometimes it bleeds a bit but I just lick it off and face  a new day with a smile.