Cheating

I feel like writing about cheating.

I am a cheater.  I have cheated.  I have had sex with many men who were not my husband.  He knows about a few, but not nearly of of them.  And the worse part about it all???  I don't feel bad at all for doing it.  I feel bad that it would hurt Him, if He even cares much about it anymore.  But about actually taking other men into our bed....  About sleeping in strangers beds or hotel bed...  Nope.  I feel I will do it again.  I don't feel addicted the cheating, just to sex.  There is no thrill about the possibility of Him finding out, or that I feel naughty or anything.  It's just sex.  I think of sex like...  like sharing a cig, just with a little more fluids involved.  I don't take sex as a big deal.  Now, I do make my men wear condoms, and I can't get pregnant, so there is no fear of having a child by a stranger.  And I do go to the doctor often to get checked out for every STD, and AIDs, just in case anything got past the thin layer of latex.  Bringing a foreign disease into our relationship would hurt me beyond belief.  I don't want Him to be punished for my... extracurricular activities. 

Ok, I am going to tell you a story.  These are all the facts as I know them.

There is this hot guy I know.  He is dating a beautiful woman.  They live approximately 3 hours away from each other, but the communicate over the internet almost everyday.  He is very... unsexual.  He does not care about sex, he does not want to have sex.  He doesn't think sex should be a big deal, and so on, I think you get the point.  These two have never had sex with each other.  So, he decides to  take a vacation, and spend the week with her.  That whole week they didn't have sex, even though she really tried, and wanted to pretty damn badly.  So he comes home, happy, because he really likes her, and he thinks they had a really good time together.  She stays at home, and a few days later, goes out and has sex with some other man.  He is heart-broken.  Her reason?  Because he looked like her Idol.

Now from my view, I will tell you the same story.  With my little psychobabble bullshit included.

This hot guy likes this hot chick.  They live to far away to physically interact with each other or see how they act with/infront of others often.  He tells her he doesn't want to have sex with her.  She thinks that he is cute, and playing with her, because what guy doesn't want sex?!  He thinks that she understands his wishes, and goes to visit her for a week.  She is excited that he is coming all that way to play with her because she likes him.  He gets there and really doesn't want sex.  She tries to push him into having sex with her, but he will not.  He goes home happy that she didn't push him too far, and he thinks he finally got through to her that he really doesn't want sex.  She stays home feeling rejected, wondering what's wrong with her that he didn't wanna screw her brains out and finds a man that REALLY wants her, screws him to feel better about herself for a short period of time.  She feels bad about it later, confesses, comes up with a bullshit lie so he won't think she is a girl who got her feelings hurt. 

I like my way better.  I don't want to make you think that it is OK to cheat or that him not having sex with her MADE her have sex with someone else...  It's just, I believe in reasons for everything.  I believe that everything that is done(or not done) everything that is said(or not said) everything that happens(or doesn't happen) has an affect(and I do mean affect, not effect).  What people choose to do with that is their choice.

Back to me...  My husband hardly has sex with me.  So instead of begging Him to do me all the time, I go out and get some where I don't have to beg.  Now you might question his sexual appetite and tell me He is cheating on me.  I would laugh at you.  He, as the guy above, doesn't care much for sex.  He is over his peak, and would rather play games than get sweaty.  Now I am saying all this matter-of-fact-ly, but it does truly hurt me.  It makes me question myself all the time.  Am I getting fat?  Does He hate my hair?  Maybe He doesn't love me anymore?  Does He wish I was someone else?  Does He hate what life we have?  Hate the choices we made?  I can ask Him all of these questions, and He will tell me that He loves me, He loves my hair, my body, our life.  He is glad I am who I am.  Then I will ask Him, "Then why won't you have sex with me?"  He just doesn't want to.  He has no better answer.

OK.  I am done for the night because He should be home from work any minute now, and I definately don't want Him to see this, hehe.  Good night all!

11:42 PM - Oct. 18, 2005 - post comment

Hey

Yes...The Dark Tower is good, I'm glad other people enjoy it :) You definitely have an interesting story here though, pretty sad. =/ I've been cheated on before and it hurt horribly. I think if your partner is not filling your needs/desires, you really need to move on. It's really sad that you are in this position so early in life. It's a tough time to go through.

Josheroo - 12:09 PM - Oct. 19, 2005

I think I know what you're talking about

When I first started reading this post, I felt sorry for you, and I thought you were a horrible person. I have never cheated on anyone or been cheated on to my knowledge, and so I don't think highly of people that cheat on their partners.

But then I read that your husband doesn't like being with you, and as I read that it made you wonder whether it was you, your hair or what it hit a nerve, really hit a deep nerve, and I totally understand why you would be with other men. I've been in exactly the same situation and I know for me nothing has ever hurt my pride more. For whatever reason he doesn't want to be with you, I think now that you are justified in finding love elsewhere. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Anonymoose - 6:08 PM - Nov. 9, 2005

hehehe...

you are so funny!

there is nothing wrong with my wife either...
except that she doesn't want sex...
hmmm...maybe once a month.
If I have to go 'on-the-road' for business...
then I will get some nookie the night before.
But she usually enjoys an orgasm when we get into it.

Which is why I really don't know what the problem is...
And she says that she cannot tell me:
She will say it must be her hormones...?

But when we were dating, I got it all.
It was her idea...
"let's try this..."
When she wanted to get preggy twice...
I didn't have to ask.

Oh well...
this advice worked well this week...
got it two times!
http://loudbuzz.blogspot.com/2005/10/my-take-on-jouissance-part-2-warning.html

Hell ya!!! I am overjoyed. lol. :+)

Steve - 12:19 AM - Nov. 10, 2005