More Fighting

So I was reading Steve's blog, Loudbuzz Sounding Off and he was writing about a fight with his significant other.  He wrote "Raw emotions sometimes need to be laid bare in the open... for both of you to see."

I LOVE this statement.  I am sorry to chop up his personal blog, and I hope he doesn't mind, but this statement had the most impact on me.  It really just... struck a cord in me or something... 

It reminds me of a saying I have.  I tell my husband I hate him quite.  Not ALL the time.  Just sometimes.  I know you think that is harsh and stuff, but I believe my saying.  Which is really not mine.  I have no idea who said it first.  I like to say

"The opposite of love is indifference."

And I think it goes along with Steve's comment.  Sometimes such raw emotions have no real explanation, or good "feeling" word for them.  Sometimes the pain and anger and confusion and frustration are too much to grasp in little bits and it goes into one word for me.  HATE.  Hell, it could even be an action for some people.  I use hate, and I spit it out like there is demon semen in my mouth.  HATE.  Sometimes I use it multiple times, like "I HATE HATE HATE you."

Sometimes when I look back at it, I think I just through the stupid bitchiest tantrum ever.  But it needed to get out.  I, too, needed to see the effect, the outcome of it all.  If I didn't care about my relationship, I wouldn't be throwing tantrums.  I wouldn't be pushing the limits.  I would sit there and take all the bullshit, and throw it out the window.  I would let his comments fly right over my head.  I wouldn't bother with voicing my opinion.  Because I wouldn't care.  My relationship could go either way and I wouldn't care less.

But I do care.  I love Him a lot.  More than I can explain. 

Do you know, this whole post sounds more mentally ill than I do on a normal day.  Hehe.

11:40 PM - Nov. 14, 2005 - post comment

Nice one

I like your quote. It really makes sense. I have another quote for you, it's something I came up with a few minutes ago - "We hurt because we feel, we feel because we care, we care because we love, we love because we're human." :)

[http://soundlessnoise.blogspot.com/]
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Formerly known as "Client" - 5:26 AM - Nov. 15, 2005

Beautiful

Thanks SA....
thank you for the nice words...

Now, about your writing...
I think what you wrote here
is both sensible and beautiful;
not at all 'crazy.'
You are stating emphatically,
passionately, that you do care!!!
Damn, that is wonderful!!! :+)
Absolutely wonderful.

If you are afraid or offended by your real feelings...
then how can you ever accept them and find love?

Lay those emotions out there...
it may look ugly at first...but it really isn't!!!
IT REALLY ISN"T!
...it simply is what it is...

And then,
you won't have to scream any more
to get his attention...
to feel his love and acceptance...
you can whisper...

Bless you dear!

Steve - 1:10 PM - Nov. 15, 2005

CLIENT!

You moved again? Or something? No links work. I wrote you in your blog on some day, and now the whole thing is gone. Please keep me informed.

anonymous - 3:23 AM - Nov. 16, 2005

STEVE!

Nonono, thank you for your thought provoking post. I always enjoy reading your blog, keep on blogging!

anonymous - 3:24 AM - Nov. 16, 2005