Looking back on 2005

Well it's about that time of year again.  How has 2005 changed you?

In 2005 I:

Worked more than I have in years.

Lived with my depression.

Never cut.

Cheated on Him 2 times.

Paid bills late 4 months.

Reorganized my house 2 times.

Kicked Him out.

Went to multiple dog shows.

God.  How dull.  I am moving.  I want to move more south.  It's too cold here.  I need more sunshine.  A bigger city.  More people.  More options.  I need a new fuck buddy. 

I got a real life hug today.  It felt...  like... nothing. 

4:17 PM - Dec. 4, 2005 - post comment

like nothing?

huh?

Anonymous - 11:35 PM - Dec. 4, 2005

Meaning...

I think I am feeling too dead to appreciate the feeling of a nice hug.

anonymous - 12:22 AM - Dec. 5, 2005

Aw...That's too bad...

The only thing that I know is that:

1. If you deny ANY of your feelings, like shame,
you end up denying ALL of your feelings, like love.
Which appears to be the case here.

2. This is what I once said to a friend in regard to PAIN controlling our minds like a demon:

"Caress my demon mind"

It possesses you.

And it will always speak through you.
It will always say what it wants to say.
So let it...
don't fight it...
don't hold anything back that could go wasted...

until you feel as though nothing else
you could possibly say
would help appease you anymore...

And then,
only in this dark, still silence,
can your heart begin to mend again.

Lastly,

3. Love and feelings are the answer /
numbness is not the answer:

Numbness turns a person into a shell...
a cold...
insane,
pathetic figure.

http://loudbuzz.blogspot.com/2005/11/wot-makes-us-crazy.html

Steve - 7:53 AM - Dec. 5, 2005

Steve,

Well.... I do kinda feel pathetic.

anonymous - 7:35 PM - Dec. 5, 2005

Hang in there

Damn, I thought I was the only one that was this dark.
Hang in there, There has to be something on the other end of this to make it worth it all.
Well I hope there is
Goose

Anonymous - 10:24 PM - Dec. 5, 2005