Poor Poor Computer

So I need to reinstall windows.  From scratch.  I need to format my drive.  I hate doing this.  Such a pain in the ass.  I am not enthused.  I asked my ex today if He would come fix it.  He is coming over in like 8 hours.  I should be sleeping.

Did I mention I saw Him checking me out the other day?  Like totally up and down twice.  It was the strangest feeling in the world.  I found out some gossip though.  Being the only fast food restaurant around, the girls at McDonald's know it all.  I chatted one up, and found out that He doesn't want to have sex with Her until she is divorced.  I guess She is pushing him into having sex with Her.  I am starting to wonder if He is just having some... problems... with His... penis.  Or maybe He is going to finally come out of the closet.  So this girl goes on to say that He confided in her that He doesn't think that They are going to last.  Bravo buddy.  We all knew that.  She is soooo not your type.  Maybe He is having a mid-life crisis, but early or something.  I found out from His Ex that He had the same issues with Him.  I guess they had some really rough sex so he could get off.  He was NEVER rough rough with me.  I had to admit I was a little jealous when she said that.  Oh my god!  When He was over here today, He mentioned he had to go home and wash the dishes.  I almost puked all over the floor, all over His shoes.  WHAT.THE.FUCK!  He is washing her dishes?!?!?  I am sure my dishes are like her dishes....  He is washing her dishes.  In the last couple months, he would not touch a dish.  Would not dry, would not put away.  He would NOT help.  He NEVER WASHED the dishes.  Not once in six years.  In six years I always washed the dishes.  And here he was going to WASH AND DRY AND PUT AWAY.  I really think I threwup a bit in my mouth.  I hated him when he said this almost as much as when he was verbally compairing me and her.  The shit I suffered with...  Why the fuck didn't i leave four years ago.

Yes, that's right, four years ago.  While I was going through our things, dividing things up, I found quite a few things I would have never remembered.  For example:  I came across a letter from him.  He was giving me permission to sleep with other people because he couldn't handle my sex-drive.  TWO YEARS into our relationship.  I should have ran then.  But I think in a sick way, I needed him as much as he needed me.  He needed love, understanding, and support.  I needed... well I needed a lot of things.  But I did not need what he turned out to be.

I am going to now give you more information about Him, that maybe will help you see me in a different light, maybe not.  I never wanted sympathy in writing this blog, and I don't now.  I just want you to know WHY a lot of things happened.

He was in and out of jail constantly.  One year they actually picked him up on my birthday.  I knew it was coming.  I was just hoping they would come the next day.  We would write back and forth, with love and expectations, and everything sweet and wonderous.  He would get  out and fall back in the same routine.  Maybe if he would have stayed out of jail, our life together would have ended sooner.  He only punched me once.  He never beat me.  He never verbally assalted me.  I think I beat him down because I would laugh at him when he got mad.  I did love him.  I did see us growing old together.  Maybe we got as old as we were going to get together.

2:44 AM - Jan. 10, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

Friends With Benefits

If you have spent any time on my blog, you would know I have slept with many of my friends.  When they are in need, they know they can come to me.  My casual attitude towards sex has brought many friends to bed.  They know when they see me the next time, there will be no akwardness. 

So my current FWB has suddenly taken a turn for the worse.  Yep, I hate to say it folks, but last night the foreplay lasted 3 hours.  This can only mean one thing:  He is falling for me.  *sigh*

It has gone from sex, into some kind of ritual or something.  So either we have to turn this boy around, or we are going to lose our friend.  I am not going to take him in.  He has to stay a FWB.

Why are boys so dumb?  Can't they see a good thing?  We are having SEX, nothing more.  You don't have to listen to me bitch, I will never be able to keep you from going out with the boys.  You can wear the same clothes three days in a row and I won't care, because I only see you when you want some.  I don't care what or when you eat, and I don't expect you to buy me anything.  I couldn't care less if you have a girlfriend, or married, but I care a bit when you have kids(cuz my childhood sucked and I don't wish it on anyone).

Well anyway.  I guess I am done ranting. 

Remember boys, when girls want you just for sex, run with it.

12:21 AM - Jan. 9, 2006 - comments {4} - post comment

Weekends are FUN

I did so much already this weekend.

I dyed my hair.  It is red now.

I went out to eat with my family for a fifteen year wedding anniversary.  It was good.

I drove for hours.  Until I freaked out.  Then FWB had to drive.

Did I mention my hair is now red?  I am scared.

2:13 AM - Jan. 8, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

Holy Fuckballs!

Yay!

I would just like to say that I am coining the phrase "Holy Fuckballs."  I have been saying holy fuckballs longer than I can remember.  I remember saying it in 7th grade, in the girls locker room after gym class.  And I know I said it before then.

Today I was happy to log into my stat counter thingie and find that I was the number one choice when someone typed "Holy fuckballs" into the Google search engine.  It is mine.  I has always been mine, it will always be mine.  I am taking it.

So, Happy Holy Fuckballs today!

P.S. Something freaky too...  Someone searched for "I want to kill myself and Heaven" and ended up geting my blog, too.  *shivers*

2:56 AM - Jan. 5, 2006 - comments {2} - post comment

More On Adult Toys

I got my new toys today.

Yes, I have tried them all out.  And I am in love.  You remember this picture?

Wow.  It's awesome.  You can't really tell from the picture, but this is some soft jelly.  It bends, it feels awesome, the base is awesome for just shoving against your clit.  And sooooo easy to hold.  I was kind of reluctant to buy a vibe with a cord, but I am so happy I did.  Orgasmic happy!  If it wears out, or the cord breaks, I am definately getting another one of these.  Looks like it will be fun in the butt too.

This little guy here....

POWERFUL.  I shoved this little guy inside me and twisted it for some awesome sensations.  The jelly is way harder than the one above, but it's still pretty soft.  I will prob never try this in my butt. 

I didn't try the other vibe, as I am giving it to my sister.  She is a vibe whore too.  My other sister thinks that masturbating is disgusting(spelled that right today) and she won't even let me get her one.  I told her she wouldn't have to have sex with her ex-husband if she got a toy, but she doesn't want to hear it.

As for the lube, it's nice.  I hate the container for it tho.  It's like, here let's use some of the slickest lube ever, and put it in a container that you will have the hardest time squeezing when your hands are full of it.  So yeah.  There you have it.

Make sure to check out Xandria's Website for more fun and deals.  Just don't bother to call them.  They have the worst customer service I have come across on the net.  You will get your stuff when you get it.

Have fun!

6:05 PM - Jan. 4, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment