Free to Ramble

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MOVED!!!!!!!

I am moving to Blog Charm. Hopefully they have more support for their blogs than forumer here. I should have gotten the clue that this was going to suck since my first incident that you can read as my first post. What a headache.

So here is my url. Take note!

http://www.blogcharm.com/free2ramble/

The Invisible Force

No, I am not talking about gravity. I am talking about whatever it is that is keeping me from having some hot, steamy, animal sex with SI. Some wild get-'er-done sex. Some throw-me-down-on-the-bed-and-pull-my-hair rough sex. Sex.

Sex. That's all I want. Why is it so hard? Why does it seem that anything that could stand in the way of me getting laid IS standing in my way. At every single God Damned pass.

Tonight, FWB came over, unannounced again. He asked me what I was doing. I said I had plans. After last times weirdness where he waited at my house for me to get home, I didn't want to tell him I was going over to SI's. But he pushed it, I told him. He stomped into my living room, he packed up his computer, and on his way out of the door, he said, "I hope you have fun having sex." He SPIT it out at me. He was so mad at me. He was breaking the rules. This is what happens when you break the rules. Rules are good. Rules are there for a reason. Why do people break them? Rules are good, rules are healthy. When you start to break the rules, things start breaking down. I like things WHOLE.

Ok, so after he threw his tantrum and left, I went over to SI's house. I get there, sit down, I am about to touch him, like 2 more minutes and I would have been. His girl friend walks in. We weren't doing anything. We have never done anything. She gives him the death-stare and goes into the bathroom. So we sit and talk a few minutes until she walks from the bathroom, to the bedroom, giving him the death-stare the whole way, not even glancing at me. I was like, should I go? He was like, yeah. So I walk home. Why did she have to come home early? Why did I have to think of small talk while she was in the bathroom? I thought it would be better if I sat there, because I think it would have looked pretty fishy if when she walked in the door, I ran. I used to go there all the time before. I worked with him. We are friends. I don't think it should be a big deal.

And she is a bitch anyway. She cheats on him, stays out all night with strange men. She was his first, so I think he feels like... he should stay with her? He feels some loyalty to her? I dunno. He is so freaking hot. If I was his girlfriend, I would ease his morning wood EVERY morning with a blowjob. I would... well I would do a lot of stuff. Thank God I don't want to be a girl friend. To anyone. Ever again.

So, Jesus Christ, that is like the 10th time we have planned on having sex and SOMETHING FUCKS IT UP!!!! I am not giving up. I will have him. I will have him inside me. I will taste him. I will feel him. I will smell him. I will see every inch of him. God, thinking about this gets me so wet.

Remember boys and girls, sex is the devil. Cut of your penises now. Sew up your vaginas right now. It is just going to lead you to dissapointment.

A Dear Friend's Loss

If you got here by Blog Explosion, you all should know Dizzy Girl. And even if you don't, you should.

She has just lost a family member, her dog Lily.

I can not imagine her pain.

If you have lost a pet, or are just the empathetic/sympathetic type and want to leave her some warm wishes and/or support, here is her link to dizzy-girl.net.

Thank you.

Ice Fishing

I am tired. More tired than usual. Getting up at 5 am, and spending hours on the ice is hard. Makes me cold, and tired, really tired.

Haven't gotten laid in a week. A week today. I fell alseep on FWB last night. I think he went home. I am not too sure since I passed the fuck out. It's time to move on. I am not going to have sex with him anymore. I feel pressured into being more with him. I caught myself thinking about how beautiful his eyes are yesterday. I wish I had the courage to talk to him about it. I wonder if he just takes it for granted that we are more than friends. He introduced me to more of his friends yesterday. I was surprized how cool they were. After we left, I found out that their son had killed himself about a year ago!

I was like, "Wow, they are doing pretty good for it only being a year ago." FWB was like, "What?!?! A year is a long time. They shouldn't be having problems yet." And I was all like, "What the fuck?!?! They lost their CHILD, someone who was with them for 15 years! Someone that CAME from them, someone that was APART of them. If I was them, I would still be greiving." FWB said "We have all lost someone by now." I told him he was an idiot.

Does everyone know I tried to quit smoking weed? Yeah, it's not working to well. I got through one day without smoking. The next day was killer. So I took like 3 hits the whole day, spaced apart, since cold turkey wasn't going to work. Then the next day was like 2 hits, then I went to a poker party, where drugs ran rampant. I got so fried. But I ended up winning the pot, so I was happy. It was only $12.50 cuz we split it, and then I had to give someone ten bucks to give me a ride home. So I came away with an extra pack of cigs. Yay! Then I went ice fishing, where drugs also run, and I don't recall yesterday so much. Oh well.

I am going to throw this up on my blog now. I will update more later. Just figured someone was going to yell at me for not updating lately.

I Dreamt of Him

I just woke up from a nap. It was an accidental nap. I was reading my book, next thing I know I was kissing FWB. In my dream I mean.

That's right, I was just dreaming about kissing my FWB, on the mouth, with tongues and all.

It must of been the book. It has some romantic stuff in it. FWB came over today, saw my sister here, acted all bussiness like, used his PC for a little bit, and left. It was strange. I'm dreaming about kissing him and he is all, fix my computer.

OH!!!! And guess who called while I was sleeping and dreaming about FWB? SI!!! I am so mad I didn't talk to him. I could puke. I want to taste him all over. I want it now. I wanna feel his weight ontop of me. I wanna touch every inch of his body. Smell him.

I have been so thirsty lately. My house is so dry. I have water all over the place, on the heater, but still I wake up with a bloody nose. Someone wanna buy me a humidifier?

I was crabby today. I think I am going through withdrawl from weed. I'm so snappy. I can't help it.

Time to let the dogs out.....

Art

So I finally broke down and drew on my graphics tablet. Lewis was the first to be on it, but now the people inside my head have come out to play...

This picture I am going to have on my new template. I think she is cool.

Next we have red here, and I don't like her as much.

And this is just a quick sketch. Bald is beautiful.

I think I might have to resize that!

EDIT: Resized!

Lots of Posts Today...

It might seem like a lot, but this is the third time I have been awake on this day. It is never ending. The day that kept going.

I tried to quit smoking today. The first person to come over today was jumped, patted down, and cigs were stolen, by me of course. They did not smoke menthols, so the second person to come over was also jumped, stripped, and tortured for some menthol cigs. I hate this addiction. I felt the withdrawl in my gut, my legs. The funniest thing about whenever I try to quit smoking is that I will be in the bathroom for most of the time. Seems to me the nicotene does something to my insides and when I don't have it, it wrecks havoc! Maybe tomorrow...

Besides me being in the bathroom, my sister was in there puking her guts out this morning. It makes me so happy. See, she has been staying at my house for a couple weeks because her water pump broke, so she has no water at her house. And she is going to be puking a lot. Because... duh duh duh... I am going to be an aunt! I am so excited.

Over a year ago, she lost her first baby. The fact that she got pregnant was a surprize to us all. I can not have kids, my other sister can not have kids. Made sense that she wouldn't be able to, but she did it. I guess it didn't surprize us much that she lost the first one. That's really sad to say, but everyone was crushed. MY parents had three girls, and we are all well into our 20s and they still don't have grandkids. I think my mom thought I was going to be a teenage parent. Anyway, she has not told anyone about it yet. She doesn't want people to know until she is past when she lost the other one. I guess she lost it really late, like it shouldn't of happened so late in her pregnancy. I don't know much about it, it's a touchy topic. So she pukes in my toliet every morning. It makes me want to puke, but the thought of a little baby, being so close, not being mine, someone I can love, and teach, and mold, it makes me happy. Even though I am not it's mother, and I am not responsible about anything, I really want to be apart of this kids life. I want to show it all my mother could not give to me. I think she wants me to be like a nanny. When she fixes her well, maybe she will have me move in with her. That would be nice. I have like 7 months to wait for a little cool bundle of joy that will have her mothers beautiful eyes, and hopefully none of her attitude.

Reminder!!! My birthday is coming up. January 30th. I will be 26. I am now accepting gifts. I accept monitary donations also. I am so broke and have no money to go out on my birthday. That's so sad.

Also, if you have any baby crap you want to throw out or give away, I will gladly accept it! My sister is freshly divorced, pregnant, with no running water at her house, and her truck is falling apart as we speak. Her house payment is through the roof and she can't sell it without running water. She needs to get a loan for the new well, and well, frankly, she can't afford it. When the gas prices were so high, she had to put a lot of her gas on her credit cards just to be able to drive to work. Ok, I am done with my sob story now.

Remeber kids! Take what you want, and leave the rest. If something bothers you, let it go. No reason to get worked up over anything here. Thanks!

Orange Haired Boy

If you don't know Lewis, you should go check him out here, at OrangeHairedBoy.com. He hasn't been updating much lately because he is busy, doing stuff, I think. But go read his past posts. Somewhere in there is a picture I STOLE because I was drawing everyone in the Shoutbox over at Blog Explosion a bunch of Fridays ago. I finally did it on my PC, and you can see it here....

So yeah. My hand is sore from using the pen, so I am using my mouse right now. God I hate it now that I have been using my pen for months. Anyway, maybe this will get back to Lewis. Maybe not. I don't mind either way.

Becoming Lovers

He is winning. I am starting to crumble.

I went ice fishing with him. I don't think that ice fishing is something I would do with a friend. I think down in my subconscience I liked the thought of him taking care of me while we lived out in the wild. But we don't live in the wild. And I don't want to be with him. He drives me crazy. This is where I am going to break down his actions.

First off, the extended foreplay. It keeps happening, and he totally did ALL of the work today. I basically layed there the whole time. This is not a good sign.

He is coming over a lot, and he is wanting sex more than once a week. We agreed on once a week. I see this as he is gettting a dependancy. On me, on the sex, the lack of effort, or whatever.

He is trying to have sex with me in more places than just the bedroom. He wants me to take showers with him, etc. This tells me he is willing to move it out from behind curtains.

When we go out, to eat or whatever, he will touch me at random. He will poke me, or elbow me, or brush arms. And when he is not close enough for that, he will play footsie with me. I do not encourage this.

He picks on me as if we were in the 7th grade. Stupid stuff. Drives me nuts.

He tries to include me in on everything, even if I don't want to go. Not saying he would push me to go, but he lets me know that he would like it if I go.

He comes over a lot unannounced. I will never call his house. But now he never calls me before he shows up. He expects me to be here. Again, not that he would be mad if he came over and I had plans.

That's all I can remember right now. I will add more as I think of them. I doubt he is coming over today, but I can't say for sure that he isn't. I am so not going to have sex with him today. It will take all my power. But I have to get through it. I can not keep doing this to him or myself. I am thinking about shaking him, yelling at him, telling him there is never going to be an us.

Here is a secret though... I like him coming over so much.